Friday, December 01, 2006

Imposing democracy

In a perfect world the Pundy House would be a democracy but sadly in these troubled times it is necessary for the maintence of civilised society to rule my domain much more like the Vatican, with me as the supreme pontiff at the centre, infallible and directly in touch with a superior being (my wife), leading you (the sinners) ultimately to a form of salvation.

There are many good reasons for this form of governance.

Mainly, of course, because I KNOW BEST. You may argue that this is a dictatorship. You are wrong. And even if you are right, it is a benign one, and therefore nothing for you to worry about. There is, for example, virtually no censorship. As long as you mostly agree with me you are free to say whatever I wish. Comments are rarely moderated. In addition, women are accorded equal status here too, insofar as they are equal. Religion is tolerated. What more could anyone, other than a disaffected dissident, possibly want? Be content with your lot.

In order to maintain this happy state, therefore, any attempts by an outside agency to impose democracy on this blog will be strenuously resisted.

Following the announcement of the Blog of the Year Awards a number of my subjects have asked how they get to vote in the various categories. The answer is, you don't. You may, if you wish, nominate blogs which you believe are especially praiseworthy and I may subsequently check out these bogs. Or I may not.

You will understand that, in the interests of the efficient working of the nation state, it is sufficient that I alone select the winners in the various categories. Needless to say, there is no appeal from my decision.

As a sop to my loyal subjects, this year I intend to introduce an additional category:

Commenter of the Year

This award will be determined by the number, and tone, of the Comments each entrant has made on this blog in the past year. Negative Comments will necessarily lose points in the final assessment but this in no way affects your rights to freedom of speech. It is just something you should, if you have any sense, bear in mind.

On the vexed subject of the Dress Code for the Awards Ceremony I would simply make two points:

1 Have you actually got an invitation?
2 The Emperor has no clothes - why should you?


  1. Anonymous1:25 pm

    I think you will find that I have gone beyond the call of duty over on my blog to win favour - oh great one!

  2. Is this like the MTV awards?

    I'm new to your blog and to my own blog. So I don't think I'm eligible for either of your awards. But do have stuff to bring to the table: You know what I'm good at? Clogging. It's a skill my parents forced me to learn when I grew up in Kentucky. Clogging is like square dancing + River Dance + tap dance, all in one. Set to bluegrass music.

    It requires big shoes, big hair, and poofy country dresses, but after I perfrom I can always return to my seat in the audience wearing my Emporer's clothes.

    I yodel, too.

    Let me know.

  3. Hey, Bill! Here's ANOTHER idea. How about a "Blogger Who Needs to Spell Check & Proofread Before She Hits The PUBLISH YOUR COMMENT" Award?

    I bet I'd win THAT one.

  4. you are a star Bill

    so entertaining
    so magnificent
    so generous
    so bountiful

    I fall prostrate in your majestic presence and beg that you look favourably at my puny mortal efforts at blogging

  5. Minx, you're in deep trouble and you know it.

    Amy, it IS like the MTV awards only much better. More like the Pulitzer Prize.

    Clogging and blogging are obviously related. I admit I was under the impression that everyone in Kentucky could clog; and no-one there could blog. But I stand corrected. The yodelling is important, no two ways about it. It sets you apart from the other Kentuckyans. It's called differentiation - a key marketing device. Don't worry about the spelling - most people who visit this blog can't read. It'll be our litle sekret.

  6. Skint, you've cottoned on very quickly. I may be wrong, but I think I see an award coming your way...

  7. ...unlike the Minx.

  8. Anonymous2:41 pm

    Whilst Skint is lying on the floor, I would just like to point out that I have saved the reputation of your blog on a number of occasions. All those times you nipped off to be an oil Sheik I kept the rabble at bay and I have brought a refined, nay delicate, humour into your life!

    Amy, please don't worry about spelling, it's the apostrafees wot is close to his heart!

  9. Phew! Thanks for THAT Bill and Minx. Im' saved public embarrasment. Because I d'ont tell just anyone that I can clog. Or that Im' from Kentucky. And not everyone knows I ca'nt really read.

    I feel so loved. So at home.

    After the awards have been given out, let's all go invade N. Korea and show them how a REAL dictatorship is run.

  10. Daddy4:37 pm

    Okay! Chicks from Kentucky who clog, a female called Minx (I mean, talk about Freudian), and the Last Scottish Dictator -- all on the same site. AND they're all clad in royal attire.

    Pretty strange if you ask me, and I'm from California and have a less than perfect reputation.

    Oh well, live and let live.

    Now, about that commentator award...does self-righteous arrogance count for anything? Or how about maudlin self-pity. Woe, woe, woe is me!

    Am I getting to you? Think puppy dog eyes looking up at you.

  11. Anonymous6:15 pm

    It appears that our Great Leader is not all that he appears. New evidence has come to light.....

  12. Don't worry, daddy, you're definitely in the running. Er, talking about Freudian, er, Daddy?

  13. Amy, love the idea about Korea - that's the kind of constructive Comment that makes this blog what it is.

    Good to see yo'ure punctuation is improving too - now, if we could just get your'e speling right...

  14. This is funny, I wish I had found your site sooner.

  15. freud2:22 pm

    Daddy, it appears zat you are having zis wires cvossed about zis Minx.
    Accvording to my theories on such topics as phychosexual development - zis human 'minx' is quite definitely female. 'Minxy' and 'Minxiness' being onzly of zis female persausion

    She is also a blogger of zis great distinction, ya?

  16. Sorry to butt in like this, but we are getting a little desperate. One of our patients has flown the nest.

    She should not be approached directly, if you spot her please contact me immediately.

    she is easy to spot - she wears purple and has been known to use a broomstick from time to time

    Oh, and she thinks she's Sigmund Freud

  17. Anonymous3:28 pm

    That Madame Arcati nutter deserves her nomination - have you read her Barry Manilow review? Certifiable.