Saturday, November 18, 2006

The road to hell...

is paved with good intentions.

I sat down yesterday morning at the keyboard with the firm intention of writing a nice, upbeat post that would cheer everybody up. But somehow events conspired to thwart me. First off I made the mistake of having a quick look round the blogosphere to see what was happening. I went here to Matt's blog and what I read so shocked me that I was stunned into immobility. Matt writes in the most graphic way about a film I know I should see but I doubt if I could ever pluck up the courage to do so. Read his report and make up your own mind.

Later that morning I had to go into town to see my accountant. Two hours with him and the creative flame was completely extinguished. Creative accounting definitely isn't his thing.

No sooner did I arrive back home in the afternoon than I received a special delivery - the replacement Detergent Dispenser arrived. Now, normally I'm a Luddite when it comes to labour-saving devices like microwaves and stuff but I have to admit that the dishwasher has become an essential part of my life in the last ten years. So when ours went on the blink I determined to fix it.

I'm not exactly a whizz around the house but I set to work on the infernal machine right away. I stripped it down, removing various panels, disconnected the wiring, removed the faulty dispenser (with the help of a hammer), installed the new one, cleaned everything up, repaired the seal and put it all together again.

And then I found these two bits of plastic left over.




Now, I don't know what they are nor what they did. They sort of look important in a spectral, vaguely menacing way. Without them in place maybe the machine would flood the whole kitchen. Somewhat nervously I loaded up the dishwasher and flicked the switch. Fortunately it still works. Above all it doesn't leak. I'm hoping that these two components aren't essential to its future wellbeing. A bit like a human appendix.

If you know different - let me know. Preferably with an installation diagram that an idiot can follow.

Anyway, as I write this post I'm listening to the dishwasher humming away happily down in the kitchen. It really is a machine that loves its work. And that mechanical love is emanating throughout the whole house, spreading sweetness and light all around.

So, it took me a while to get there - but you got your happy Post in the end. I just hope you're suitably grateful.

16 comments:

  1. I'm wondering if they are not the element spacers? They hold the element in place.

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  2. Anonymous5:02 pm

    I read Matthew's post a couple of days ago and his candid review had the same effect on me. I don't think that I could sit through that amount of suffering.

    Bitsleftover is a bad gremlin and you may find the dishwasher takes on a life of its own in few days!Please be careful!

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  3. sand storm I haven't got a clue what you mean but it certainly sounds profound. Unless, that is, you were an electrical repair man in a previous life.

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  4. A nice narrative Bill, good style - honest

    A good voice

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  5. Anger,
    as black as a hook,
    overtakes me.
    Each day,
    each Nazi
    took, at 8.00 a.m., a baby
    and sautéed him for breakfast
    in his frying pan.

    And death looks on with a casual eye
    and picks at the dirt under his fingernail.

    Man is evil,
    I say aloud.
    Man is a flower
    that should be burnt,
    I say aloud.
    Man is a bird full of mud,
    I say aloud.

    And death looks on with a casual eye
    and scratches his anus.

    Man with his small pink toes,
    with his miraculous fingers
    is not a temple
    but an outhouse,
    I say aloud.
    Let man never again raise his teacup.
    Let man never again write a book.
    Let man never again put on his shoe.
    Let man never again raise his eyes,
    on a soft July night.
    Never. Never. Never. Never. Never.
    I say these things aloud.

    I beg the Lord not to hear.
    –Anne Sexton, “After Auschwitz”

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  6. I think one's a transfer-lever-latched tripping cam spacer. The other's a contact block for the overflow-drain solenoid? No, they're bits of a space ship being hidden in the factory by evil government conspiracy plotters from New Mexico? Shrunken and mutilated dishes? You don't suppose they're somekind of sentient appliance waste-product, do you, like .. dishwasher doo-doo? Probably not ...

    -blue

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  7. Yes, Pundy, your humour to blame.
    Sadly, I laughed.
    Now, I'm still smiling.

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  8. Anonymous9:34 am

    TURN IT OFF IMMEDIATELY !!

    They're the connectors for the hemispherical pressure sensor relay!

    Without them, the machine could explode if the pressure exceeds 4 bar!!!!

    Not really, fuck knows what they are - probably just put there to piss you off..............

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  9. Anonymous9:37 am

    On a more serious note...only got a few lines into the descriptions on Matts blog.....then didn't have the stomach to read on...........I just can't comprehend how these things can be happening..........

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  10. Sorry about the graphicness of it then, folks :/ I was quite profoundly upset by the documentary, there wasn't a single measure of gratuititousness about it, mind. What I saw is what I then wrote up. But you know.

    However I think the reason that no-one can comprehend it happening is precisely a reason to watch it. If it was in anyway diluted it'd just join a canon of humanist films that everyone watches, becomes affected by, then forgets when they go and purchase their pizza later that evennig. This one sticks.

    More frighteningly: since putting up that post I've had a *lot* of hits from Africa, via some website or other.

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  11. The personification of the dishwasher did it. It produced this smile on my face. Now I shall set about mustering some suitable gratitude.

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  12. Actually, I think Nubi - the dog - in Mortal Ghost got it right.

    'The dishwasher was midway through a cycle, chortling ghoulishly to itself. Nubi had taken one look at the machine and retreated again to the garden. Who knew what it might eat next?'

    (Sorry, Pundy, I don't mean to plug my novel; just couldn't resist.)

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  13. I can see how I can't have helped either, Pundy.

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  14. Thanks for your Comments guys. See my next post wherein I express my thanks for your efforts.

    No sweat, Maxine - you took my mind off my problems with the dishwasher so I'm actually quite grateful.

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  15. Anonymous1:10 am

    very grateful indeed, hopefully those pieces don't end up in a 2 feet flood in the kitchen anytime soon.

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  16. Hi demarche group - very impressive website you've got. Good luck with your publishing venture.

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