Solitary pleasures (interrupted)

Sorry about that. The keyboard got jammed. It's all gummed up. As I was saying. The house was empty. My wife was at work. I was alone in my study ogling the screen while having a w...

Voice in the ether: Excuse me.

Me: What the fuck!

Voice: Excuse me!

Me: Who is it?

Voice: One of your readers.

Me (groans): Which one? Not the Minx?

Voice: No. I'm anonymous.

Me: Oh, the other one. I know you. What do you want?

Voice: I can smell something fishy.

Me: That's not fish.

Voice: There's something wrong with this post.

Me: It's not the grammar thing again, is it?

Voice: No. This post is not in its correct chronological sequence. Blogs don't work like that. What you're writing about hasn't happened yet.

Me: Yes it has. Read the previous post.

Voice: This is a joke!

Me: I resent that. This is a deeply serious middle-brow literary blog. Even the jokes aren't funny.

Voice: This is a blog not a novel. You can't do this!

Me: Fuck off.

Voice: Oh, there you go again, resorting to...ooof!

Me (having punched the voice in the mouth): Now where was I? Oh yes. As I was saying:

The house was empty. My wife was at work. I was alone in my study ogling the computer screen while having a wholemeal egg mayonnaise sandwich when I had this brilliant idea for my next post.

And just as soon as I clean all this mayo out of the keyboard I'll paste it up for you both to admire.

Unless of course there has been a timeshift as Anonymous alleges. In which case you've probably already read it.