Thursday, November 03, 2005

Post Intercourse Depression

A funny thing has happened since I started this bog. Up until a few days ago I had no readers and I could say - and think - exactly what I liked.

Now, I've become aware that people are starting to read this junk - and even want to enter into intercourse (no, we're not back to sex here - go look it up) with me. Suddenly there is pressure on me to conform to certain norms of acceptable behaviour.


Instead I am invoking the First Amendment on the freedom of speech and all that good stuff and hereby assert my right to:

1 Ignore, abuse, humiliate, contradict and generally ignore my readers.

2 Say anything I want without due consideration for the sensibilities of the aforesaid readers

3 Say rude words whenever I feel like it. You better fucking believe this bit.

4 Lie in bed and think naughty thoughts when I should be publishing my blog

5 Say the first thing that comes into my head without thinking about it

6 Create as many bad puns and cheap jokes as my feeble brain will allow

7 Fart

8 Scratch my dangly bits while I'm sitting in front of the screen

9 Roll my eyes in disbelief at some of the comments you folk post on my blog

In return I solemly swear to adhere to the binding compact between you, my readers, and me, your fair-weather friend, as delineated above.

All right? Fair enough? Happy now?

Oh, and none of this abrogates my right to invoke the Fifth Amendment whenever there's a good film on the telly.

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