A funny thing has happened since I started this bog. Up until a few days ago I had no readers and I could say - and think - exactly what I liked.
Now, I've become aware that people are starting to read this junk - and even want to enter into intercourse (no, we're not back to sex here - go look it up) with me. Suddenly there is pressure on me to conform to certain norms of acceptable behaviour.
I REFUSE TO DO THAT.
Instead I am invoking the First Amendment on the freedom of speech and all that good stuff and hereby assert my right to:
1 Ignore, abuse, humiliate, contradict and generally ignore my readers.
2 Say anything I want without due consideration for the sensibilities of the aforesaid readers
3 Say rude words whenever I feel like it. You better fucking believe this bit.
4 Lie in bed and think naughty thoughts when I should be publishing my blog
5 Say the first thing that comes into my head without thinking about it
6 Create as many bad puns and cheap jokes as my feeble brain will allow
8 Scratch my dangly bits while I'm sitting in front of the screen
9 Roll my eyes in disbelief at some of the comments you folk post on my blog
In return I solemly swear to adhere to the binding compact between you, my readers, and me, your fair-weather friend, as delineated above.
All right? Fair enough? Happy now?
Oh, and none of this abrogates my right to invoke the Fifth Amendment whenever there's a good film on the telly.